It seems I’m being promoted up the ladder at work. I really didn’t see it coming. Rather pleasing considering how flat the management hierarchy of the company is, it actually feels like it means something. Bodes well for my looming pay review too and that was already looking promising as it was! ^_^
pleasedI just seem to be so busy right now. Not necesarily a bad thing, but I haven’t had much time to do things with friends or relax. It seems to be something I run into a lot and it always seems to look like things will improve but somehow something always seems to come along and takes up my time. It isn’t really bothering me much right now although I am more busy than usual even. I guess it’s because I’m not busy for just work reasons this time.
I’m not normally aware of having dreams, I haven’t for many years but in the past few days I’ve had some I was actually aware of and they weren’t nice at all. Not the kind of thing where you wake with a start, it’s more a case of lying there for a long time on the point of being almost awake while feeling drained and depressed to the point of physical pain. I don’t really remember the content of the dreams at all so I couldn’t describe them even if I wanted. This lack of recollection normally seems to be how dreams work for me even on the few occasions I remember having had them. This kind of dream is new thing though and I don’t really know why I’d be having such bad ones like this now, things are going reasonable well for me right now. I really could do without this, if I’m going to have dreams like that I’d rather just do without. It’s especially annoying because I end up not getting enough sleep and then feel tired for the rest of the day. *sigh*
Well, another election night has been and gone. I tend to thoroughly enjoy these evenings, it’s a family tradition from way back to watch the results coming in with some good food and alcohol and I don’t think it’s something I’ll ever get out of my system. I have been told in the past that my family has been somewhat active politically in terms of supporting candidates and ideologies so you could say it’s something I’ve been brought up with. Certainly political discussion has always been common in out household. In terms of the result tonight, I’d clearly prefer there was a more clear cut winner, but at the same time, from my perspective things could have been much worse. It does seem though that these results could easily change when special votes are counted. Two comments I do feel the need to make….labour voters in Epson are complete idiots and how the high profile green co-leader could possibly come third in her electorate against two nobodies is beyond me (not that I’m even a green supporter but hey). At this point things could go either way depending on the special votes, all I/we can do is watch and wait.
There are just so many things in life that it seems will never be resolved. In many cases this does not seem to be something that is at all important or even beneficial but in personal matters it just seems to lead to pain that doesn’t go away. There also seems to be situations where one side may see something as resolved even if the other doesn’t (Which isn’t too surprising really). In other cases it may not be related to people at all but a turn of events. Accepting something will never be resolved and moving on doesn’t usually seem that difficult but it takes time and we have to go through a lot to get there. I feel it has to be asked though if it something we should be doing? I also have to wonder why we as humans have such feelings in the first place. I mean, if the theory of evolution is to be believed, a lot of what we are today is due to things that have proved advantageous to our ancestors but I can’t really see how pain over unresolved issues has any benefit to our species. If moving on and forgetting the past is the ideal thing to do then why do our bodies and consciousness tell us otherwise? Perhaps it is not the ideal path or perhaps evolution has just not got there yet and it is something we will eventually evolve out of our systems given due time? Perhaps there are other possibilities we don’t have the knowledge, evidence or comprehension to see? I don’t have an answer nor do I expect to get one. I guess that’s one more unresolved issue to add to the list… @_@
I never have been someone who claims to have all (or even a few) of the answers. Even at the age of 20, when people are supposed be insufferable “know it alls”, I was well aware of the extent of what I didn’t know and how miniscule the amount I actually did know was. This has not prevented me from being accused of such things over the course of the years though and in addition to this, people have seemed to occasionally get upset at my opinions of things or things I have said just because I hold views they disagree with. This seems rather strange to me because it’s as if they give more weight to my opinion than I do myself. Yes, if someone asks me my opinion directly or indirectly I will give it to the best of my knowledge and with the best of intentions for them. It doesn’t mean I’m right. I didn’t go to some “secrets of the universe” class, I don’t have some magical ability that gives me insight others don’t. I will freely admit there’s a good chance I don’t even have the first clue. All I’m doing is conveying my views based on how past events and thoughts have shaped my understanding of the world and those views are bound to change at any time should I decide I’ve somehow achieved a better understanding or had some new insight come from somewhere. At times I think I don’t do a good job of communicating what I’m trying to get across, I think this happens more than I’d like, but I try and try hard. I don’t deal in absolutes though and I’m not going to suddenly do a turn my opinion around because someone tells me I’m flat out wrong and can’t back it up, that’s just insulting. I honestly don’t even know why someone would even care, it’s not that I’ve set myself up as an authority or as if my having a different view somehow belittles theirs. If they don’t like my views, they can feel free, I’m not going to take it personally.
nauseatedThursday was a good day. A number of really good things happened. By 2AM Friday morning though, I was more down than I’ve been for a long time. It’s not that I’ve been fooling myself that things are okay when inside they are really not. I’m well aware of the pain I feel for numberous reasons and I do feel I’m good at handling it, but I don’t believe it’s possible to hold it in all the time nor is that a good thing to do. Eventually some of it will come out and it hit me then. After I finally did manage to get some sleep, got up and went to work, Friday turned out about as bad as a day could doing little for my spirits. There are a number of things I’m not happy about, far to many to bother trying to list them here. Sometimes I just wonder if I should become a hermit living in a damn cave and others, as I’ve mentioned before, I just want to go somewhere else far away from here and never come back. There are other considerably more sensible options too but I don’t feel I’ve been in a state of mind to make a call about any of those…Hmmmm…
depressedSure enough, I got sick again but it turns out it wasn’t the same thing I had last time, it was a far worse cold. I was off work for three days and stayed in bed for most of that but have started feeling a bit better again. I do think all the rest has done me good. Needless to say, the PS2 and DVD player and TV have become warm and close friends over that time! ^_^
I played quite a lot of Shin Megami Tensei: Lucifer’s Call on PS2. It is a good and interesting RPG although at times it can be very frustrating. The way the game works is that if the main character dies it’s game over. Now while you can set him up to be protected from death and expel effects, in many fights you can’t use this setup or you will die no matter how high your level. This is no comfort though when you are fighting some low level creature that pulls off a really low odds expel attack on the main character ending your game right out of the blue when everyone was at virtually full health. That’s just annoying.
So, anyway I picked up a Sony PSP on Sep 1st. For the want of something better, I picked up Ridge Racer and Medievil Resurrection for games, the Steamboy UMD movie and the USB cable. So far, I must say I’m very impressed! My first impression of the console itself is that it’s actually smaller than I expected. I have used them before so I don’t know why I felt this way, maybe it’s the size of the box it came in throwing me off, but that’s how I felt. Ridge Racer plays like a dream and I’ve had trouble putting it down. Many a time I’ve told myself “I’ll stop just after this race” only to end up stopping much, much later. This did surprise me to be honest, I’m glad I picked up this game specifically because it’s extremely well done and just plain fun to play. Medievil seemed to be the only release game with any real story behind it with some lastability so I felt I had to pick that up. It’s pretty cool as well although I wish the control method was a touch better but that’s a minor niggle. I had avoided Darkstalkers Chronicle : The Chaos Tower thinking it to be a straight Dreamcast port slightly renamed but it seems I was mistaken, it apparently has a rather interesting story mode. I might have to look out for a good deal on that one.
The PSP screen is very nice. Not perfect like many say though. For movies, the black level could be more black and colour definition is still has the problems of a LCD (A good LCD mind you). Still very good though and much better than the screen on any other handheld (Gameboy Advance, I’m especially glowering at you). The large screen size is especially great. I can’t really see I’d watch many movies on the thing, it just seems kind of awkward for that since you have to hold it and holding the rather weighty (for it’s size) PSP up for two hours isn’t very appealing. The sound output quality seems very good although even with a big memory card it won’t hold much music on there.
